Twilightjunkie94

throwmeoutintothewindsoicanfly

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was it? by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

was it?

does it make you feel bad ass when you stay out late on a school night, crawling out of your window into the 2 am air driving to something that's better then where you are? with car lights flashing as your car lays in the middle of the intersection, a bloody finger reaches for the door but you can't get out. you can't tell if the screams are yours or someone elses. you hear the sounds of the ambulance coming to take you away. do you think about her or me? did you say everything and do everything you wanted to do? do you see your mother on the couch rubbing her hands through her hair wondering what she did wrong, why you acted out,why you gav

work by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

work

i put my face to the cold window and breathe out words begging you to come back but you don't see them because you're gone, the words fade out faster than you did. flash back to the day i was crying in your car and you held my face and said you loved me. but you didn't get out of the car because that would have meant you actually did love me. i was always too much work, wasn't i? flash back to the couch scene with the oc playing in the background. kids getting drunk while we were trying to figure out what the fuck we were. i loved you and you loved being loved. you were the king and i was your fucking jester. flash back to me asking yo

white shoes by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

white shoes

you left your white tennis shoes in the middle of the chaos of my room on that cold novemeber night. i left 3 voicemails on your machine. are you coming back? we both wanted this, you know. fuck you. i guess the last one got to you. ----- people would ask if i loved you and i said no because lying was the game and i was winning by a long shot. the grayness of the outside world capivated me. sunk into my bones, shut me up. i didn't exist to you until the texts came flowing in and i was the only one keeping you alive. but then again, you were keeping me alive. ---- passing hellos at the beginning and blushing faces. he's such a sweet

just because. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

just because.

"do you still love me?" ------- we were in your rental house. it was a brisk october night. the kind of night that wasn't cold yet, not bone chilling cold. just the kind of cold that makes you realize you forgot a jacket so you use his, drenched in his cologne making every thing in your fourteen year old body tingle. lying on your bed while you played your video game and realizing that i could lie there for the rest of my life and be in complete bliss. when i imagined you, us. we lived in a one bedroom apartment with peely wallpaper, one mattress, one light sheet, one chair, me...you. you would sway me with your guitar skills. fuck teleph

novemeber blues by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

novemeber blues

i miss novemeber twelveth. the taste of heavy vodka on my tongue and dresses too cold for dead of winter. your white tennis shoes, long sleeves, short short hair. making sure no one knew you so it wouldn't leave my room, until everyone found out. "are ya'll dating." "no...not really." not really always gets me. you sure you don't want to do this? yeah i'm sure except i don't even care. when you were supposed to meet her but you were here instead. ----- when i can't pick up the phone to text you anymore because i have nothing left to say. i guess that means i'm over you. right?

just overwhelm me. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

just overwhelm me.

when the goo goo dolls said "our past is never far" i didn't believe them until i met him and lost the boy i had my fingertips wrapped around for so many moons. there is something about a death of a grandpa that makes me wish i had my old life back for just one second because there are just some people that will always get you even if they are a lifetime away but you can never have your cake and eat it too plus, the icing is always too sweet for me. this boy will never understand why lying on a cold bathroom floor with wet hair is appealing to me but for the record i haven't needed to do that. his hands are never cold but now, mine always

fuck it. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

fuck it.

my head is still a huge jumble of mess. i still want to call you at 2 a.m and cry and ask you to not leave even though you have, many months ago. i still drive by your house and see our fifteen year old selves riding the golfcart me, falling in love with you. my breath still catches when you accidentally look at me, i know you didn't mean to. sometimes i want to sit in the middle of my floor and light a birthday candle because i missed last year. i wasn't there and now you aren't. people lie when they say you get over the people you love. you don't. one heart string still hangs on. for dear life, mind you. i'm happy. i swear i am. my

so long. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

so long.

thursdays were our days. i fell in love with you on a thursday and then you left on a thursday. i remember being young and having my heartstrings attach to you. i remember being weathered and having my fingertips let you go. i remember laying in bed remembering everything you ever told me. the way your hand, always cold, felt in mine. now i'm struggling to remember why i ever loved you in the first place. that boy is a million miles away. you never wanted me. now my day is tuesday. tuesday is the day a boy made me feel worth it, and refuses to give up on me.

sorry? by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

sorry?

as life goes on, certain people become planted into the back of your mind and you're only allowed to think of them at certain times. mine for you is at 2 am and when i drive down your road. if love means you'll always care about whether the person is living or not, then i guess i loved you. love. present tense. past tense most of the time. except for 2 am. i'm brave enough to let you know that i can't sleep so i'm texting you instead but i think you sleep on rainy nights now. because it's not summer and life is good. we don't need each other anymore. you hurt her and i hope you're sorry but part of me knows you don

it happened by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

it happened

it happened like this: i was lying in his bed with no make up on and my hair a mess. "do you think if we're together next halloween, we could do matching costumes?" "we'll be together, i'll never leave you." i didn't say anything. i turned over and said, "we could do something off of hey arnold." i think that was my way of saying i was okay staying with you forever, whatever that meant. it happened like this: it's amazing what you learn about a person a year later. i'm fighting the urge to text you and tell you that maybe you weren't as awful as i made you out to be. enough. it happened like this: you're the only boy that trul

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was it? by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

was it?

work by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

work

white shoes by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

white shoes

just because. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

just because.

novemeber blues by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

novemeber blues

just overwhelm me. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

just overwhelm me.

fuck it. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

fuck it.

so long. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

so long.

sorry? by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

sorry?

it happened by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

it happened

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a long drive in bad weather by crushasphyxia, literature

Literature

a long drive in bad weather

i sniffle and sigh, giggle and cry, wishing i was what's best for you. your angry words callous my ears and i become numb to your landslide. i wish i knew how to respond to your tirade of emotionless insults. you ask me why i'm not talking and i look up at the ceiling, wishing there were dots to count. you say, "god damn it, sierra" and i bite my lip "i don't understand why you can't talk to me." i think about all the things i have to say, and how i know you don't want to hear them. i close my eyes and reinvent myself becoming all sorts of quaint and collected. i apologize with empathetic eyes and promise i will change. you

october means this by youaresolovely, literature

Literature

october means this

small, white room. wooden piano bench. intelligent fingers. sad music, sad singer. iwantthesongtobeaboutme, about us. about you wanting me. about you wanting to. about you. i crave your smile, words, feelings. i want you to say all of the things you want to say to her to me someday. i could pin you down under all of the sadness i feel when i see you hurting. small, twin bed. hurtful words said. drop dead feeling felt. hard hugs and hand holdings. please, get the fuck away from the left side of my brain.

October by almostlovers, literature

Literature

October

I miss smoking. And it's not so much the feel of nicotine in my blood because it never made me dizzy or jittery enough to feel alive with all the rush. I miss the smoke and the alcohol i never seemed to hold in too well and those nights we spent leaning on empty lighthouses in the middle of winter as i ran around collecting our plastic trash bags as they waved around on the sand. I miss the smell of something burning and holding the opposite end of the ember to my lips as if i could light myself on fire with each breath. And maybe my excitement is made of hospital visits and nights too blurry to remember properly and cigare

Deviation Spotlight

all things we couldn't be. by Twilightjunkie94, literature

Literature

all things we couldn't be.

we were softly whispered goodbyes on cold winter afternoons. we were hearts that beated too fast and too slow at the same time. we were the wind in each other's hair, but we were not love. we were walks in the park on sunny days but without the picnics. we were the stars in the sky on cloudy nights. we were the gaps in between each other's fingers but, we were not love. we were the gasps in every lover's tone. we were autum leaves falling delicately to the ground. we were heated glances across the room, but we were not love. we were half written love letters that fell away with age. we were regret and anger. we were laughte

all things we couldn't be.

Twilightjunkie94

About Twilightjunkie94

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Artist

Mar 26
United States
Deviant for 15 years
She / Her

Badges

My Bio

i fade out a lot.

Current Residence: in between his ribs.
Favourite genre of music: music that speaks to me
Skin of choice: cold and soft
Personal Quote: "Put your heart in my hands, I will never paint your world blue."

Favourite Movies

nick and norah's infinite playlist

Favourite Games

the one where i'm trying to guess your thoughts

Tools of the Trade

paper,pen,computer,napkins

Other Interests

you, my friends, writing, music, beautiful skies, rain, railroad tracks, all out beautiful things

Posts

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Twilightjunkie94

Jul 14, 2012

update!

0 min read

i know it's beeeeen mooonths since i've written a journal or written in general and for that i apologize. excuse time. i have a lovely boyfriend whom i've been dating for 8 months...shocking i know...he's perfect. so the fact that i have a boyfriend makes it hard to write because i write sad things because it's all based on experiences so since my life has been pretty easy sailing since November i haven't really written anything unless it's at 2 am but then it's crap and pointless to post. SO i'm sorry for the lack of writing. but maybe you'll see me back every now and then :) thanks for all the support lovelies and i hope all is well! love,

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Twilightjunkie94

Nov 19, 2011

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

i have a boyfriend and he's very nice.

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Twilightjunkie94

Oct 10, 2011

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

i want to do drugs, smoke, get drunk, have sex anything to get rid of you.  i want you out of my system, out of my heart (what's left of it) and out of my mind. i want to throw the jar of paper hearts at you and have it break into little shards of glass so you could see the memories of us in the reflections because that's all i see when i look at it. i want to take anything i've ever written to you and watch them blow away in the wind. if they happen to land in your window, well then so be it. i just want you gone. i want you out of my memories and mind set. but i don't want you to win. i don't want you to know that you fucked me up that bad.